Simple Practices for Finding Joy Every Day, Inspired by The Book of Joy
Have you ever found yourself chasing happiness, only to feel like it’s always just out of reach? I’ve been there. We all have those moments where joy feels elusive—like something we have to work really hard for. But what if joy wasn’t something you had to hunt down? What if it’s already inside you, just waiting to be rediscovered?
That’s exactly what The Book of Joy is all about. It’s based on the incredible conversations between Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama when they got together to celebrate His Holiness’s 80th birthday. They didn’t just chat about old times—they shared deep insights about life and joy, hoping to offer us something meaningful.
Douglas Abrams, who helped guide their discussions, brings in some fascinating research, too. The reader gets the benefit of the wisdom of these spiritual leaders, groundbreaking research on joy, and to witness the playful interaction between these sweet souls.
“Joy is much bigger than happiness. While happiness is often seen as being dependent on external circumstances, joy is not.” ~Desmond Tutu
Prior to writing this book, The Dalai Lama heard from Western psychologists that many of their patients deal with self hatred. He was surprised, but honestly, it’s something a lot of us can relate to. Our culture doesn’t make self-compassion easy, and that’s one reason he wanted to share this message. His reminder? “The ultimate source of happiness is within us. Not money, not power, not status. We have to look inside.” It’s such a simple truth, but so easy to forget.
The kind of happiness described in this book is Eudemonic happiness, which is characterized by self-understanding, meaning, growth, and acceptance, including life’s inevitable suffering, sadness, and grief. The twelfth century Buddhist lojong texts about mind training state that, “Joy is our essential nature, something everyone can realize. We could say that our desire for happiness is in a way, an attempt to rediscover our original state of mind.”
“Joy is our essential nature, something everyone can realize. We could say that our desire for happiness is in a way, an attempt to rediscover our original state of mind.” ~ lojong texts
So if joy is our essential nature, why are so many people unhappy?
We create many of the things that undermine our own joy, including negative thought patterns, not appreciating what we have, and emotional reactivity.
As the Dalai Lama puts it, “We create most of our suffering, so it should be logical that we also have the ability to create more joy.” It’s all about the mindset and attitudes we bring to life. He also reminds us of the adage, “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky’s research, which is shared in the book, shows that 50% of our happiness is determined by our genes or temperament, but the other 50% comes from our choices—how we think and what we do. That’s pretty empowering, right?
According to Lyubomirsky, the three factors that seem to have the greatest influence on our happiness are:
How we reframe negative situations,
How much gratitude we feel, and
Our ability to be kind and generous.
Reframing the Negative News
So how do you reframe a situation when things can often appear negative and bleak, especially when you watch the evening news?
The Dalai Lama suggests taking a step back and remembering the bigger picture. Yes, bad things happen, but so do countless good things. Think about all the small acts of kindness that never make the headlines—parents loving their kids, teachers caring for their students, strangers helping one another. It’s all happening, even if we don’t see it.
The Cause of Suffering
Another important message from the book is that focusing too much on ourselves can actually make us more miserable. We’re constantly told that self-improvement is the key to happiness, but when we focus only on ourselves, we often end up feeling more disconnected. As the Dalai Lama says, “Too much self-centered thinking is the source of suffering. A compassionate concern for others’ well-being is the source of happiness.”
Studies have even shown that people who use words like “we” and “us” more than “I” and “me” are less likely to feel depressed. When we shift our focus to others—when we connect, care, and show compassion—we actually heal ourselves. It’s a beautiful cycle: the more joy we give, the more we receive.
The ultimate takeaway? Joy isn’t just about feeling good ourselves—it’s about sharing that joy with others. As the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu say, “Be a reservoir of joy, an oasis of peace, a pool of serenity that can ripple out to those around you.”
Moving from Suffering to Joy
So what is the solution? It’s having and showing kindness and compassion for others. The Dalai Lama says, “When one is thinking about others with kindness and compassion, one is never lonely. Openheartedness, warmheartedness, is the antidote to loneliness. The more we heal our own pain, the more we can turn to the pain of others. We heal our own pain by turning to the pain of others. Is is a virtuous cycle. The more we turn toward others, the more joy we experience, and the more joy we experience, the more we can bring joy to others.”
“The goal is not just to create joy for ourselves, but ‘to be a reservoir of joy, an oasis of peace, a pool of serenity, that can ripple out to those around you.’ Joy is in fact quite contagious. As is love, compassion, and generosity.” ~ The Dalai Lama
The back of this book is also packed full of joy practices to help you on your journey including processes for setting morning intentions, meditation, forgiveness, Tonglen – a Buddhist process that allows us to be present for others who are suffering, and the eight pillars of joy.
The quotes from The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu in The Book of Joy remind you of the beauty in humanity. The book also reminded me not to be so self-focused, the importance of connecting with others, and in giving to others.
I know it sounds cheesy, but this book made me a better person. It is dog-eared and highlighted for my favorite quotes and passages and is something that I will use as an ongoing reference for life. I hope you enjoy it too.
I’d love to know—what’s your favorite lesson or quote from the book? Drop a comment below and let’s chat!
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